I was searching this stockphoto site – this image came up and I laughed hysterically.

Why? Because one of my nickname is banana and it seemed random and kinda crazy, so I decided to use it for this post, though it gives nothing really too this post…

I’m not 100% positive I’m naturally a motivated person. I’m a planner. I’m an assess-er, I’m scared-to-death-to-not-do-something but I’m not really instinctively motivated.   Some might say think they are one in the same.  Sure, planning helps motivate me to do things, but I don’t plan to be motivated,

I plan because I’m a control freak.

Being a control freak isn’t a bad thing. It OK to control yourself, it’s OK to control who you do, eat, say, wear, go (and on and on) but it’s not OK to control other people. I can’t control other people. And frankly, they can’t control me. I can set up expectations and can have things expected of me. blah blah blah – why the heck am I writing about this?

because…

because lately I’ve come to realize that moderation is a good thing (and not just when I’m drinking). Towing a straight line all the time isn’t productive but neither is being so out of line that nothing is accomplished. I know some really awesome people. And I’ll admit to being a bit jealous of them sometimes – they have established careers they love, or a significant other, a house, amazing figure, children, or just being fantastically-mindboggling-smart …and I want all those things….but they don’t all come to me naturally. I have to plan, control, check things off my do list. I’ve watched many people crash and burn from too much too fast. We see it all the time with celebrities. But as much as I plan, and tick off accomplishments and tasks – life isn’t all about a check list, it’s about getting out there, it’s about having the freedom to be spontaneous and not having an ulterior motive.

don’t you hate those people?

Those people who are only out there pushing and selling? People who only talk to the coolest people, are ready manipulate any conversation to being about whatever they are selling —whether their own awesomeness or a product. I-hate-them. I hate that people are charmed by it.

so yes, I’m a control freak, I’m a scared-to-not-do-something person, but I hope I never lack spontaneity to shed my control-freaky-ness and live my freaking-awesome-amazing-life.