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By Shanna, November 24, 2009 12:50 pm

sigh. not sure there is anything I really need to say.

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By Shanna, November 23, 2009 6:19 pm

I have a list, I think most people do.  It’s not a super specific list of exactly what I want to do in each locale, rather just a list of places I hope to visit.  I know some people that have very specific lists and that’s cool….I just know that I enjoyed finding out what to do in a place when I’m there.  I let the place tell me what I should do.  I also just enjoy sitting around and people watching.  Each place has it’s own pace, it marches to the beat of a different drummer and you have to sit back and listen to know what it is.

I was watching a documentary about Chris McCandless a college graduate who took off into the Alaskan wild and ended up dying from starvation.  And I started to think about all the people I know in the travel world that have these lists and once one is done, they create a new one.  Or people who seem to just have this desire to continuously leave wherever they are in search of somewhere else.  Some call it living your dream, some call it a nomadic lifestyle, and there is a part of me that envies this and then there is another part of me that wonders: will they ever be satisfied with life?

I get fussy when life get stagnant and of course that happens.  I try to keep things fresh and always try to push forward with my goals — you need to do that, to not end up in the gray area.  But right now I’m really struggling lately to make sure I have everything in perspective and really dont’t want to end up alone in the Alaskan wild.

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By Shanna, November 18, 2009 12:30 pm

I’ve always known that I don’t like in-betweens, I hate gray areas – even though I don’t think I live life in black & white, I like to know boundaries. I like to understand acceptable from unacceptable and then fuck it, do what I want.  The middle road seems to be where people get stuck, if you stay in the lines then you never have the opportunity to go somewhere else, you’re following a preset path.  Right now I’m finding myself sort-of stuck in the middle.  

I don’t know whether to go all-in, call, or fold. 

I don’t wanna call myself a drama queen, but right now I feel like I’m a point where I need to make choices and I can’t get it out of my brain that life is a journey, it has chapters, it’s always changing, and it’s more likely the insignificant choices I make now will have a greater impact than the ones I beat-to-death. Or even the things I don’t have control over (which is even scarier to me) will affect me more. 

November always seems to make me wax and wane about my path in life… mostly because I miss my dad.  He was so rationale.  It didn’t matter the situtation, he always knew how to handle it gracefully, appropropiately, and to your advantage.

I want the advantage.

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By Shanna, November 12, 2009 10:22 pm

after several days of cruising, boozing, and stuffing my face with food — yesterday and today my stomach has turned against me. It’s screaming. It’s been screaming at me stop, and I ignored it’s cries, so now it’s making me cry… =( taking some ibuprofen and hoping this pain stops (though knowing me I’ll probably end up dropping by the ship doctor in the a.m. if this pain isn’t gone.