I’ve always known that I don’t like in-betweens, I hate gray areas – even though I don’t think I live life in black & white, I like to know boundaries. I like to understand acceptable from unacceptable and then fuck it, do what I want.  The middle road seems to be where people get stuck, if you stay in the lines then you never have the opportunity to go somewhere else, you’re following a preset path.  Right now I’m finding myself sort-of stuck in the middle.  

I don’t know whether to go all-in, call, or fold. 

I don’t wanna call myself a drama queen, but right now I feel like I’m a point where I need to make choices and I can’t get it out of my brain that life is a journey, it has chapters, it’s always changing, and it’s more likely the insignificant choices I make now will have a greater impact than the ones I beat-to-death. Or even the things I don’t have control over (which is even scarier to me) will affect me more. 

November always seems to make me wax and wane about my path in life… mostly because I miss my dad.  He was so rationale.  It didn’t matter the situtation, he always knew how to handle it gracefully, appropropiately, and to your advantage.

I want the advantage.